The manifesto of a gay male
Why is it that we must search for nearly a decade and a half for mate, husband or partner? Well not all of us but for a good number of us this special someone doesn’t come into our lives until we have passed the great age of clubbing and bar hoping. We go to these places of deafening loud music, smoke from various leaves and in hand always a concoction of some kind of with enough liquor that after a few of them we are will to do just about anything to get our hooks into a man. Some hot, sexy specimen of the male species that has crossed the threshold into the largest meat markets any side of Texas; the local hot gay club that has the most expensive covers and drinks. We walk in only by the end of the night be rejected even by the one guy that by most would be seen as the most unattractive one in the room, next to your own person.
After the depressing venture to the Department of Men warehouse, call upon our bff’s, our boys, our girls to be our comfort, the shoulder to cry on. He or she will be there in your darkest hour and in your brightest shining moment. This person came into your life when you were not even looking for them. They just happen and you wonder how ever suffered through the horrors of life as a gay man with out them. This person may even become that special lover or partner that you never thought existed. Sometimes your feelings for them seem to be more than they are, especially when you have been dealt a shitty hand by the grand Diva herself. The great relationship, for all the drama that must be endured to sustain it, I really have not figured out their purpose.
Your eternal gay sister, tu hermana, tu amor; what ever you call this person they will understand you the best. They are willing to lend their shirt for you when you are in a fashion jam. They will let you crash with them for a night, when home for what ever the reason is not home. You call this person on your way home from dropping off your first date with a new guy. You call them just after you just turned some hot trick. They call you just after they have done the same or just when ever they need that “sisterly” advice that can only be given by your hermana. When you feel no one is on your side they always be right behind you, just in case you get stuck and need a swift kick to make you keep going. They will be the bitch when you need to hear the blunt force traumatic truth and then the soft pillow your cry on after the brutal attack of the words just said.
We all have our “hag”. She is the female that is always there to offer her female perspective on the events to our near equally female problems. She is usually a straight woman with a boyfriend or husband that is ashamed to say he jealous of you because you know everything about his wife, from her darkest secret to her bra size. Also you know everything about him from his favorite midnight snack to the size of his dick. Your hag may also be single and be your girl with whom you man hunt with. My “hag” and I gossip all day and checkout the delectable that have just walked past even thought she is totally spoken for or we say she has made selection but is still in the store she has not made her layaway or purchase yet.
Gay, bi, straight, curious (closeted) or taken is the game we play. We constantly have to compete in this societal subculture between the options with each individual man we encounter. We gay males have to wonder, what is the reasoning behind any interaction of any male we encounter? Maybe we should not always think there an ulterior motive but it’s kind of instilled in us. We do not want to get gay bashed we be cautious on what we tell the big burly mean looking types and we try to act as straight as we can. For some of us this is harder than for others. We wonder what is he thinking is he going to follow us once I leave? Is going to try to get some tail or head? Is he really genuine and is actually trying to be friendly in his talking to me?
This dreaded and loved twelve letter word RELATIONSHIP. Some gay men will view long term relationships or LTR’s as things to run away from. They see the as way to heterosexual or very non fashionable, where going home with a different guy each might I much more expected. I can not understand what about it makes them such an issue between gay men. This topic will have a different meaning depending on the person you talk to. I for many months wanted no parts of a relationship as they draw way too much energy from the individual person that takes on or is forced into the “male” role. The “female” in the relationship seem to want a man who will cater to them as many will see out straight counter parts doing. The only difference is that the gay relationship has a different dynamic as is as a key difference; there are two males involved in the relationship.
Where one male will want a knight in shining armor, the other may want the same or at least someone that will reciprocate the same loving and giving gestures. They don’t have to be exact but at least similar and in as high in quantity. Reciprocal in every way must the relationship be except for maybe sex positions some guys must have a penis inside them otherwise the whole ritual of sex is never complete, which is ok.
The relationship has opposition from its start and that is society. Society does not want them and we push back and fight harder to make sure we are seen and heard. We always stand together united and often times fall that same way. It is hard to constantly fight for your relationship to be validated in the straight world. To quote the movie, FAQ’s “Our kisses are like bombs going off in the straight world.” It’s a quote I fell in love. I love this quote because it a mantra of a couple’s love and strength to endure the reality that is life, in a society that does not show them the same respect they show towards the society.
We can make them into beautiful creations, these relationships. They can become the loving families that propel this nation to a great dignified union. Two males can be together and not just be about sex. The bond has the ability to be stronger than that of heterosexual marriage because they will not come together just because of pregnancy or convenience. They will be formed and allowed to grow and then join together in a ceremony of commitment. Public or private, it will be one that will show that such a union is possible and should be recognized
In heterosexual relationships it seems that sex is a powerful bargaining tool that females, sometimes males, use to get what they want. I have not seen this much in the gay or lesbian relationships I have viewed. Maybe because some men will be in open relationships or maybe because cheating seems to run rampant in our culture and if your boyfriend will not give forth with sex, the late or all night sex store or gym will. These places will always be there as long as they can operate as other front businesses and the male will often think with the head below. We all know that the head down below can override the larger one. Lesbians also seem to have an endless supply of toys that will come in as trust backups or will also hit the street to the local market and pick up a trick.
I am the first person to say that we must work with the system and along with out straight counter parts in government and the general public to change public policy. If peaceful means do not solve the problem, then an uprising must be put into action and voices raised as they were nearly forty years ago in New York to join the homosexual, bisexual and transgender communities as one battalion and fight. In the ways they see fit, seek out the necessary tools and act upon heartfelt emotions and ideas for a better society.
We have come along way from a time where a member of the LGBTQ community could be jailed just for being open and honest with the world about themselves. I can not picture a Chicago without the festivities of the fourth Sunday of June and the quaint the section of the Lakeview neighborhood without the brilliant golden pillars lining the street with the colors that are recognizable by any LGBTQ person as a welcoming place for them. Many can not imagine they person areas within there own communities without its punch color flown with pride and dignity. We tastefully and gaudily wear these colors because they are badge of honor. Even in death we will wear them, on our hearts if not on our persons.
Coming out, what are we suppose to exactly do when coming out? No two coming outs even when it is the same person coming out are the same. When a person tells this significant person that they are gay they are doing so to feel at ease with this person. Often the person being told will make it into it being an event all about them.
By the time a gay individual has come to the point of coming out to even one other person, they have gone through much turmoil within. To finally get to the point of being comfortable with being gay happens at a different time for each person. Some people will find them selves attracted to a man and just know. That’s it, I am gay; done. Many people will not have such luck. It may be a one week, one month, one year or one decade process. Many will venture down the many avenues and streets of the massiveness of “Gay Dom”. Self acceptance is key for everyone, because with out it there is no way anyone will accept you for you. Self acceptance must happen at is own pace because it must be truly felt, deep in the heart.
Once self acceptance is achieved, it comes to that first time when one feels that a weight has been lifted. The world will now have this person who doesn’t have live in a closet and can be free. Some may notice a confidence boost and wonder what happened. Generally, there is nothing physically changed. Maybe just a posture change or a mood of contentment.
Being brave a big part of being open and out, with the world. This is by no means flaunting it. People need to get off of this shit about by being open about being gay, that it is flaunting it. One is just saying that they are no longer living a lie and are comfortable with and love them selves for truth that they are.
Why is watching a football game a straight thing or decorating a room to actually look nice with flowers and such, paraphernalia of being gay. They are things that people do, and enjoy. I do find it an oxymoron that the most macho of sports evolves men falling on top of each other, slapping each other on the butts and having hand literally touching another's testicles. Some have tried to explain the slaps as it doesn’t mean anything unless you enjoy it. My defense is that the pat is a symbol of a job well done. So would there not be enjoyment in that. Someone is acknowledging your hard work and effort. I happen to be a fan of the Chicago Bears and will cheer for them when they make an awesome play and/or score a touchdown. Sometimes others may have a stronger reaction than I but it makes me happy when I see other reveling in a great victory such as; any time the Bears will win over the Packers. The energy in that room is quite electric. I also enjoy decorating and being like a personal shopper for my friends. I don’t mind helping someone pick an outfit or a few new pieces. I don’t see these as gay things to do. They are services and/or jobs that I like doing. I know straight men that do these things as well. Some of them will not admit it, thinking they will be thought of as gay or sometimes will joke about it. I do not see why being gay is a such a funny joke.
